Arrows

WARNING-seriously long post!!!!!!

Hi.

Welcome to crazy town.

The place where everyone and everything is crazy.

And apparently we like it that way. :)

SERIOUSLY THOUGH.

We are a bit crazy.

Life hasn't stopped or slowed down one bit.

However, we are nearing the end of a few different commitments,

and I have said no to 2 pretty major ones.

(insert pat-on-back here)

It was a little hard to say no, but I know it is best for my family.

I also am starting to look at things in the

we-probably-won't-live-here-much-longer-so-i-shouldn't-take-that-on mode....which is becoming more exciting to me every day.

Unless God COMPLETELY shuts the door,(window's, back doors, garages,crawl-spaces:)

we are planning to be IN California by the end of Summer..or sooner.

I am ready to go home.

I am ready for a change.

I am ready.

So...this house has GOT to get finished and on the market...

a job must be found for Tyson and for me...

and housing of course..(although, someone did say, first come, first serve! :)

Here's a THANK YOU JESUS thing...

Aeva asked Jesus into her heart this past Sunday.

She doesn't fully understand, but on a 4,almost 5 level, she gets it.

Here she is calling all her Aunts and Uncles and Nani and Papi to tell them the good news!

After that, and bathes, the girls were being so cute with her and loving on her...adorable.

They played her match game with her for quite a while....
That was Sunday.

Fast Forward to Monday.

I pull up to her pre-school, ready for them to bring her to the car.

The teacher comes to the window. WITHOUT aeva.

She says, " Um, can you pull off to the side and come in?

Aeva is up-stairs".

FYI, this never means good things.

There is Aeva, sitting in the corner, with her face planted on the ground between her legs.

Her teacher explains that they were getting ready to sit on the carpet in a circle and Aeva was trying to squish in between 2 kids, with her legs in the way of the walking area..

Her teacher asks Aeva to scooch over a bit and sit Indian style.

Aeva refuses.

Her teachers asks again.

NO RESPONSE.

So, she picks up the then floppy and mean faced Aeva and moves her to the corner.

Where she sits now, a half hour later.

Having missed snack( her FAVORITE THING EVER) and coloring.( another fav.)

I.AM.AT.A.LOSS.

I do not know what to do with this little girl.

Her teacher leaves the room to give me time with her.

I bend down and talk to her about how Jesus is in her heart now, and there to help her

make good choices( a conversation we had about 10 times since Sunday!)

And this was NOT a good choice.

And I would love to take her home and have lunch, but first she must make things right.

Which she does, without much prompting.( NOT NORMAL)

I praise her for the good choice she has just made, and talk about how next time,

JUST.MOVE.YOUR. FEET. and make the good choice FIRST.

Then comes Tuesday.

Pick Aeva up at school.

Teacher says, " GREAT day today!"

inside I say, " Yessss!( fist pump in the air)"

Jesus is already making big changes in my girl.

Then we get home.

I go and put her left-over spaghetti( made with Gluten free noodles, she LOVES it)in the microwave,while she is hanging up her bag and stuff.

She struts into the kitchen, try's to pull open the fridge and demands in a not so nice voice,

" I want a sandwich".

I look at her and say,

" well, we aren't having sandwiches today, I..."

Insert Aeva STOMPING HER FEET and whining her way out of the kitchen..

So, as any good mom would do, i follow her and start to say,

" Aeva, we are not going to.."

I get cut off again by her nasty look and not nice sounds coming out of her mouth.

So, I say, " you may go to your room until you are ready to listen".

Which she does, STOMPING the whole way, and then once she gets there, screaming at the top of her lungs.

OH.MY.WORD.

I give her a few minutes, then go to her room.

She won't look at me, won't respond to me..NOTHING.

So, I calmly say,

"you will not scream at me like that, I was simply trying to tell you I was heating up Spaghetti,

and until you make it right by saying your'e sorry, you will not be eating it".

to which she,

SCREAMS. AGAIN.

I sorta lose it a bit at that point.

I tell her this is making me very sad, and even worse, it's making Jesus very sad, and she

needs to stay in her room until she is ready to CHANGE. HER. ATTITUDE!!!

sigh.

It took her til 4 o'clock to call me on the phone at work and tell me she was sorry.

Now it is Wednesday.

good day, most of the day...normal fits, but(farely) quick compliance.

Then we get to time to go for Cubbies.

I notice she has changed her pants, and has no socks.

I ask her to go get the pants she had on, back on and find her socks...

COMPLETE and UTTER MELT-DOWN ensues.

She even looks at me, in my face, and screams in a nasty tone.

Which her daddy happens to be standing by the door and see's.

Not a good choice, my daughter..

OVER AND OVER AND OVER,

she refuses to say she is sorry for doing that to her mommy.

She loses Cubbies.

She loses Snack.

She still refuses.

She has to go to bed NOW.

She FINALLY says sorry.(barely,under her breath, with her teeth clenched)

But at this point, we must follow through with all the things she has to lose.

I just don't think she gets it.

I really don't.

And I am finally to the end of my strength.

It is time for us to get help.

So, I will be calling the Doctor in the morning and setting up an appointment to see

where we go from here.

sigh.

I have been dragging my feet on this over, and over and over...

I don't know why...

that's not true.

It's pride.

I think we can do it on our own.

We don't need help from someone else.

But we do.

DESPERATELY.

Then, tonight, I sit down and start to catch up on some blogs and such I read...

WOAH.

to quote:

Has it been easy? Absolutely not! Parenting a hurting child is hard. So many days I just wish I could get inside her head and see for myself what is going on in there...

As so many of you know, parenting a child who is hurting, has been abused, or struggles with emotional or psychological issues is not for the faint of heart. There are some days when there truly are no answers. But in the midst of it all, we walk in His divine peace that He pours down like rain upon us on a daily basis. I choose to put my faith, my trust, and our daughter in the loving and capable hands of the ONE who knows what He's doing.

on to the next one...

heroism doesn’t come naturally. The only superpowers I possess come from above. Any courage, confidence, boldness, and power over fears I might display comes from my Heavenly Father. {Philipians 4:11-13} It’s His strength that I have to clothe myself in everyday (not the knee-high red boots) , because without Him I would crumble. His power is made perfect in my weakest hour. {2 Corinthians 12: 8-10}

How often I forget, and try to carry the load on my own. I wrestle. I struggle. I fight. I fall.

My security and confidence should come from knowing that I don’t have to face each day on my own. No matter what challenges lie ahead in this journey – it’s not my own battle.

then the next....

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

This is such a great scripture to meditate on. Sometimes, in relationships, when I find myself frustrated with a person. It really helps me to step back and focus on the good in a person. As a wife and a mother, I find myself, so often, dwelling on the faults of the people in my life that I love the most.

ouch.

I was blessed by the blogs I read tonight. I KNOW we are not dealing with this alone. Not only do WE have Christ within us, helping us every step of the way, SO DOES SHE.

I know that I haven't been in the word NEARLY enough to handle

these things that are happening.

I know my savior misses me...

and I know I need to start making it a priority..not a if-i-have-time.

I know he is looking at me and saying,

" I miss my time with you".

I know this is old, but it's words are perfect for where I am at.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Hez3e0GKRs

He's waiting for me. so goodnight friends. PRAISE BE TO GOD.